indesolution | (no subject)

I think there's a placebo effect of being in this place. You come through with all your memories intact, all your experiences throughout your horrible, miserable existences, but the whole BEING IN A NEW WORLD and GOVERNMENT THAT PUTS APHRODISIACS IN THE WATER thing tends to make you think, you know, gee golly, my life was fictional — maybe, just maybe, that means that my memories are fictional too!! But this is getting a little more philosophical than scientific, blah blah relatively real blah, my point is that sometimes you feel like you're forgetting everything you ever knew. Then you get these random flashbacks that remind you, oh my god, my life was worth something back at home! Who knew! Fancy that! I must share my discovery with the community!

There was a day, possibly the last day that I was really truly honestly happy, that my chief of medicine decided to try out the discounted stethoscopes he had been forcing on us for months. "You're all complaining for no reason!" Bobbo said, sticking those puppies right in his ears. And then, joy of joys, dream of dreams, heart of hearts, HE WENT TEMPORARILY DEAF.

Imagine the worst boss you've ever had. Or, for you prepubescent wonders (and by the way, SMASHING uniforms, also Azula and co., could you maybe hold back and count to ten next time they piss you off and STOP sending students to the ER? Thanks a bushel!) the worst teacher. Then multiply it by the size of the sun. Then give it horns, a tail, and pointy little hooves. Then name it Robert Kelso, M.D., and you have the boss of my life for twentymghskd years. Now, imagine that horrible awful no good boss/teacher/general nuisance being deaf for a day. What would you say to them? Possibly OH BOB YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKER EVERY TIME I SEE YOU I GET ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE ALCOHOL AND PAINKILLER INDUCED SUICIDE I'VE BEEN INCHING TOWARD FOR YEARS, BUT INSTEAD OF KILLING MYSELF I THINK I'LL JUST KILL YOU INSTEAD. NOW SMILE AND NOD IF YOU WANT ME TO.

And he did. Smile and nod, that is.

Sadly enough, my ~love for my job~ kept me from actually strangling him with those grade-F stethoscopes. But the fact is that, when I sobered up this morning and put on my shiny white doctor's coat, the memory of giving Kelso a piece of my mind was returned to me, and it felt damn good.

Andrew. Code Bruschetta. STAT.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

you say alot of words

Everyone has a thing. This is mine.

maybe you should take a deep breath!

OH GOOD GOD, I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE! Thank you, O Small and Mighty Pink One! You might just have saved my life! Because as a doctor, I've never considered BREATHING as an effective way of calming down and, you know, staying alive.

You're Welcome!

...Wow.

Yes? Did you have something to say? Or did you miss the part at the bottom that clearly said CODE BRUSCHETTA STAT?

Bruschetta takes time! Have patience, Dr Cox. Patience is the way of the ninja.

You might have missed, Elle, but I'm a doctor. Not a ninja.

Really? I always get those two confused.

Well let me help you out there, missy pants! One, doctors wear pristine white coats, while ninjas seem to be fond of all black ensembles. I know that the latest issue of Babylon CosmoGirl! says that pink is clearly the new black, but for ninjas, black is always black. I haven't worn black since Jordan told me that it washed me out — which I clearly don't care about, but she threw out every black article of clothing I ever owned, so there's that. Two, ninjas are trained and surprisingly effective killing machines. Doctors, despite what my colleagues have tried to prove over many years, are actually instructed to not kill their patients. In fact, we're supposed to do the opposite of killing! Three, ninjas are silent like the dead of night, and you may have noticed that I talk a lot. I could never be a ninja, Elle. I would never want to, and I never could. But guaranteed, set a doctor up against a ninja, and the doctor will win every god damn time.

...Can we test that theory? Someone here's gotta be from a ninja anime. Naruto, maybe.

How do I put this tactfully? HELL NO.

Yeah, that's not the right response, opportunities to meet Naruto characters should be met with glee, or whatever approximates to glee in your case? I'm leaving with food soon.

Andrew. Listen carefully. I don't even know what Naruto is. Therefore, I don't care. And no, that's not an invitation to bring me bruschetta with a side of hour-long geeky explanation. Spare me. Just this once. PLEASE.

Let me instead explain with this interesting Googletube link!

OH MY GOD, THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO WORDS FOR HOW LITTLE I CARE.

Less than a fifth of the students are hurt so badly they are sent to the ER, Doctor Cox. You're exaggerating.

Yeah, I also tend to do that. But you kids have had your reign of terror for, what? A few days now? I'm not a precog, but I don't like what I see of the future.

I see a future where they will wear their uniforms without resistance.