indesolution | (no subject)

[ Filter : Private ]
I've been here for more than four months now. I've had my birthday and christmas and hanukkah and new years and valentine's day and two of my friends got really badly hurt and um just. a ton of things have happened. and this is the first time I've wanted to go home. I know that um home is kind of a crater now, if it ever existed in the first place, but that doesn't change that. I kind of just want to get away. I'm tired of failing at everything. because um, I try to do something good for myself and it backfires for everyone else. it's becoming a pattern. I'm just tired, I guess.

I mean. back at home I dropped everything for them, um I left my family and didn't even tell them where I was going. Mexico, okay. for six months. and before that, like, they had no idea what I was doing. I didn't go to college. and now here like I know there's not as much um stuff I'm tied to but still, over a month of basically living in the hospital and it's like. I separate myself from them just for a little while, I do something on my own and wow, that's just not acceptable.

so I shouldn't have said some of those things to Cordelia. um, some secrets are meant to. you know. stay secret. so it is my fault. it's easier to blame myself anyway. but sometimes I think about the stuff they've done, and it's like. guys. this doesn't compare. they know my problems, okay, they should know that um the reason I ever did it in the first place? was because of stuff like this. not specifically, but it leads to more or less the same feeling.

and of course I'm going to apologize. it'll be a while. because um, I have to actually want to do it. and I deserve one back. and probably I won't get it from either of them, but whatever. more things I've gotten used to. yay life.

I found a therapist, at least. I hope she's good. because I'm going to do this, and it's going to be good for me, and it's not going to backfire. um, positive thinking. Cordelia would be proud. I think. in any case um it'll be good to have someone to talk to who gets it.

[ Filter : Public]
hey Kazu! um guess what! you don't need to come into work this weekend. apparently we're closed. and um, thanks for everything. I know we don't say it to you often enough, but you're a valued employee of Rule 42.

normal hours resume the monday after easter, I guess. maybe later. who knows?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

secondflame.livejournal.com

you're not closing for good, are you?

magicbone

oh my god no. just um. well, I'm not really sure why this weekend, but I'm going to say it's because of the holiday! but um no, definitely not forever.

heh, all right. i just needed to check.

thanks for being flexible, Kazu.

er, you're all right, though?

me? I'm fine.

all right.

but it's very um nice of you to ask. thanks.

you're welcome.

repent

You guys are doing Easter?

to be honest um I really have no idea.

Huh, what's with the close then?

good question!

Did someone do something to your store? I could beat them up.

oh Faith. um no, no one's done anything. apparently we're just locking up for the weekend. who knew, right. um but thank you! I'll keep that in mind in case we ever get any competition.

I won't beat up Spitfire or ex-Sunnydalers but otherwise my services are always on offer.But I'm sure people can put of their urges to, oh say, go through boxes of old comics until after Easter.

totally understandable. and yeah. I'm sure that's the reason.

flameregalia

I hardly touch their store! Stories of my vandalism there have been extremely exaggerated.

Jonathan- thank you for giving Kazu the time off, by the way.

they kind of have. um, sorry about that.

no problem! all he has to do is ask, you know. um it's not like we're swamped.

I'm sure he'd squirm at the thought of us talking about him, but really, I think Kazu likes working. I don't think he'd be much for asking for time off.

I think he does too! um, he's put up with a lot of stuff from us I think, so. I'm glad he's stuck around. also I think he's actually mastering Andrew's shelving system which is um kind of epic.