indesolution

[ Filter: Private ]
All I've done for the past week is sleep. I got more sleep in that fucking cell than I've gotten in the past five months, but I'm exhausted now. Maybe that's why I don't sleep. It doesn't help. It makes things worse.

I keep trying to write about what happened, what that fucking felt like, but all I get is an inkstain that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I know there's nothing poetry can't encompass, but this comes close.

It wasn't so bad when it was all of us there. We were like a fucked up family of pissed off, falsely convicted people. Mears and I had some good discussions. Then they let everyone else out, and it was hell. Quiet hell. Mears told me about people getting past filters on these things, but right now I don't care. So if anyone is reading this, then guess what news I've got for you. Prison is mind-numbing. Prison is shit. And that's only encouraged me. I'm never going back there. Which isn't to say that I'm going to avoid doing things that might land a man in jail, because what fun would that be. But they can't put me back in there. All or nothing. Based on past experience alone, I'm more fond of all.

I don't feel like myself after this week. But I know they can't take anything from me (except my life, except my life, except my life). Temporary lapse in spirit. It'll come back.

We're going to escape. I do know that now. We have to, or they'll keep doing this to us. This fucking world, I swear. Funny that I used to think it was better than home. It's not. It's really not at all. Fuck Petrelli, fuck Raito, fuck all of the scientist motherfuckers who think they're doing good by pulling more people here. I'm starting to think that this world's almost not worth saving. Not worthy of the revolution. Not sure if I should tell the Captain yet.

Mears is the one who tricked us. Deprived us of leaving. A week living together doesn't matter. In fact, it makes it worse. He's a smug motherfucker about what he did. And yeah, three cheers for messing with Petrelli, but he also made the Captain and I look like fools. There aren't words for what I'm going to do.

I visited Knox first. He forgave me almost before I could get my foot through the door. I should be glad, but I'm not. He's an idiot. Every day I feel less and less like I deserve his trust. Neil's smart, he already know this shit. And Todd's going along with him. Not that I want any of them to be against me — but Knox's just showing me what I can get away with. It doesn't matter if I wasn't myself when I did it. Guess I got what I wanted, as usual. I wanted to surprise them, show them how fucking serious I am about this, but that's not how I wanted it to happen. This had nothing to do with the revolution. It happened for the wrong reasons.

When it happens for the right reasons, if it does, now I can't tell whether their reaction will be better or worse because of this. Fucking Babylon. I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. This play is too appropriate, sometimes.

I guess Cordelia moved out for good. Silver lining.

[ Filter: Public ]
Thanks for the extended tour of Babylon's prison, Petrelli, Raito. Really, it was just so much fun. I'm glad I didn't break out. Would've missed out on all of the excitement that a week alone with nothing but your own thoughts can bring. On the other side of that coin, it gave time for my hand to heal up nicely.

Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number—
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you—
Ye are many — they are few.

I guess I should reapply for a roommate. I wonder if they look fondly on guys with criminal records for shit they didn't actually do.

Thanks for visiting me, Andrew Wells.