(no subject)

[giantego]

FIVE THINGS CURRENTLY PISSING COXSIE OFF.

5. THE STASH. Someone touched it. If I cared even a little bit about any of you on this network then I MIGHT have thought to check up here, but then I thought, you know, if I was a thief, I wouldn't return to the scene of the crime, much less publicly admit what I was doing! So, PINK THING, I'm not even really that mad at you. There's more alcohol. It's me, there's ALWAYS more alcohol. Mostly I'm just super impressed that you had the balls to detail your thievery. It... it astounds me, it does. Reaching new heights of intelligence. Kudos to you, Pink Thing.

4. SNOW. I come in peace from California, and even though it's been oh good god half a year since I saw a single palm tree or cloudless blue sky, snow? Not so much my thing. In fact, I hate it. I hate it good. This could be because Jordan and I once went on vacation to the Alps, where I got my ass handed to me by a burly French ski instructor who, I swear to god, had biceps on his biceps, and my darling ex-wife made a VERY AVANT GARDE snow angel with François, said ski instructor. Or maybe it could be because I just hate snow. There are days when I wake up from my drunken haze and stumble to work and think GEE YOU KNOW, I don't actually think I could hate this place more! And then I have to walk through reindeer games and a snowball fight to get to work. You'll get yours, kids. You will get yours.

3. PEOPLE DISAPPEARING— though it's not even really about the people disappearing, truth be told, because as stated before: so don't care about any of you! It's more that no one's doing a damn thing about it. Has anyone investigated why this is happening? Mr. Vampy and his detective agency, or you crazy science kids, or I don't even care, it just baffles me that NO ONE IS ON THIS YET. I'd do it myself but oh good god, as Murse himself can attest, I'm busy being very important and saving lives day in and day out. And when I'm not, I'm busy being better than you. Doesn't matter who you are. We lose crazy pseudo-terrorists, we lose the most prominent politician, we lose kids, kids for fuck's sake, and still no one does anything about it. Look, I know that they can't be brought back, and even if they could, why would you? I wouldn't condemn anyone to this hellhole, especially not for a second time. But you'd think someone would figure out WHY THIS IS HAPPENING and how to stop it. Or, better yet, how to let us all jump right along. Another way in which the corrupt government sickens me. Carry on!

2. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, YOU. Yes, you. Forever you. All of you.

1. HUGH JACKMAN. Forever and ever, amen.

Comments

[lickthatdevil.livejournal.com]

yeah, i missed this.

[giantego]

I live to serve.

[lickthatdevil.livejournal.com]

i didn't even read the whole thing and i missed it.

[giantego]

You are my number one supporter, as always.

[zenmastercrews.livejournal.com]

All of your anger must come from a deep, dark place. Is it lonely in there?

[giantego]

Why yes. Yes, it is. I've been driven here by years of abuse and alcoholism and death and cruelty, and you know, gosh darn it, no one's ever bothered to ask me how I feel about all of that. Thank god you came along, blue suit. If it weren't for you, I just don't know what I'd do with myself. Possibly cry myself to sleep as I do every night, as if all the tears in the world could ever adequately express my angst and, here it is again, loneliness. I really just need a hug. Do you think you could do that for me? Could you? Could you please? I'm dying here.

[zenmastercrews.livejournal.com]

I'd be more than happy to give you a hug if it alleviated some of that darkness.

[giantego]

Really? Because that's all I want. No groin contact and no smelling my hair.

[wizardresden.livejournal.com]

C'mon, Doc, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.

[giantego]

Or I could show you. Showing's always more fun.

[wizardresden.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a blast. I'm on my way.

[giantego]

Don't bother, I don't have time for Harry Potter tricks.

[kingofthunder.livejournal.com]

Well, if you're interested, our leads currently consist of

・The Portal
・The Portal Again
・The Portal's Evil Twin
・Candlejac
・WE ARE STILL OUT OF CHIPS!!!
・Morning Dew, Keetos, Peanut Butter Flavored Spread, Post-its, Luminol, Windox.
・That Creepy German.

[giantego]

If there's one thing I learned from Elle, it's not to say his n

[kingofthunder.livejournal.com]

Good jo

[perkyscience.livejournal.com]

I got more chips yesterday, and you're still not allowed to eat them.

I can't believe this place has no karintou.

[kingofthunder.livejournal.com]

I'll stop eating yours if you stop eating mine.

I guess Swedes aren't really into it.

[perkyscience.livejournal.com]

I don't eat yours! That one time was an accident.

That's no excuse! I need karintou!

[perkyscience.livejournal.com]

And what is up with that stupid Candlejack joke? Why are we not allowed to say his name?

[giantego]

A long and sordid histo

[kingofthunder.livejournal.com]

Oh my god what have you don

[forgedsoul.livejournal.com]

Thanks for covering it.

[misskittyclaws.livejournal.com]

5. Did I inadvertantly use the same nickname as you?

4. Still sounds like a perfectly functional relationship.

3. Agreed.

2. Kiss kiss!

1. Huh.

It's so good to see you finally got over the fact the sewing machine means you're no longer the loudest thing in the apartment.

[giantego]

I believe you did, you're not one to judge functional relationships if I'm remembering right, of course you do, whatever and whatever.

It took some getting used to.

[misskittyclaws.livejournal.com]

Oops, I can't help it if functional in my experience means lacking literal bloodshed, I also can't help it if you actually have a point for once, rude and curious.

Poor baby.