indesolution

While a handful of you are in possession of a wealth of common sense, I don't trust most of the population of Babylon to know how to adequately care for a child. In order to save time and effort on my part, here are a few helpful tips.

Do not abandon, starve, shake, punch, kick, stab, shoot, or throw your baby out a window. In addition, babies do not drink alcohol. And I know it's a sad world when I have to actually say this in all seriousness.

Make sure your baby is well fed but not overfed. Keep them clean, warm, and never leave them from your sight.

Sometimes, babies just need to cry. It strengthens their lungs. Moreover, it's the only way they know how to communicate. If your baby will not stop crying, resist the urge to take any of the aforementioned desperate measures, you group of hot-headed fuck ups. If it goes on for too long and becomes a concern, or you think the baby is ill or injured in any way, I'm sure our competent and welcoming hospital staff would be nothing if not helpful.

Remember, this is someone's child. I would think there would be dire consequences for anyone who knowingly harms it.

If you feel that you are unfit to parent this child, I have not been assigned one and would be willing to help in any way that I can. The endangerment of a child is the most despicable act of this world and every other. I would hate to see it happen. Consider this a preventative measure.

Mason, Daisy, Georgia, notify me the moment you get yours. I don't trust any of you with kids.